WEBVTT

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The Bueller Show.

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Everybody says I'm a girl that knows all the answers.

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The only trouble is, no one ever asks me the questions.

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Well, that looks pretty good.

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Oh, it does, Bueller.

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It ought to.

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The prices they're charging, I didn't know whether to cook it or deposit it.

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You know, Alice, the way prices are, we've got to find some way to economize.

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All right, darling. Tell me where.

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Well, Tony asked for a raise last week.

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Now, that's ridiculous.

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You know what he does?

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Comes in once a week, mows the lawn, pulls a few weeds, and does a little watering.

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I don't know. It seems to take him quite a bit of time to get it done.

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Well, there's nothing to it.

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A little bit of work between us.

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Besides, Tony's not a very good gardener.

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Well, maybe not.

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You know, my rose bush out in front was one of the prize exhibits for the show last year.

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And just look at the shape it's in now.

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Gosh, Dad, I wish you wouldn't get so riled up when you're eating.

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I was going to ask you for a dollar so I could go to the baseball game.

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You're usually in a pretty good mood after dinner.

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Oh, I am, am I?

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Usually.

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Well, the way everybody studies me around here, I feel like a cross between a case history and a trout.

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We all study you, Mr. Harry.

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Why?

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Because of the way each of us loves you.

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And because you bring home the money that keeps the family going.

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Well, I asked her. She told me.

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Oh, it isn't just that, dear.

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No, but that does have a great deal to do with it.

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Doesn't it?

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Eat your string beans, Donny.

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Doesn't it?

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Well, yes.

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Well, why did I force you to say that?

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Do eat your dinner, Harry.

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Well, anyway, we can start cutting down by doing our own gardening.

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We can do it on Saturdays.

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I'll mow and take care of the trimming.

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Donny can pull the weeds.

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And you can handle the watering.

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All right, dear. Just as you say.

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Donny, something tells me that your mother has just bought a new dress.

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No, she hasn't.

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How do you know?

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Well, I was with her when she didn't.

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I was with her when she didn't.

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I know what you mean, but it doesn't sound right.

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How can you be sure she didn't buy a new dress?

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Well, right after she bought the new hat, we came straight home.

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Put it back.

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What's the matter, baby?

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We got a new thing around here, economy.

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Huh?

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Times are getting tough and the folks are cutting down.

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They even decided to do their own gardening.

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Their own gardening?

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We'll do it on Saturdays.

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Oh, that's tomorrow, huh?

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Yeah.

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Uh, baby, I don't think I'll be around tomorrow.

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Why not?

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Well, I got something else I have to do.

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Dugging out, huh?

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Oh, not exactly.

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Bill Jackson, you know what kind of animal deserts a sinking ship?

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Woman, I understand that remark.

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But let me point out one thing to you.

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What's that?

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We rats never swim unless we have to.

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And when we have to, Olympic team, look out.

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Oh, hand me that little piece of pot I had, baby.

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Mm.

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Better sit down, darling.

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Your eggs will be ready in a minute, honey.

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You know, Bueller, you're one of the nicest people I've ever met.

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What do you want now?

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One of the kind that's most obliging.

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I'd do anything for a friend.

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Out with it.

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Well, Ned Harris and Bluetooth Master are going on a hike.

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So?

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I have to do the weeding today.

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And your sly, foxy, roundabout little scheme was to flatter me,

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so I'd do the weeding for you.

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Sure would be nice to go on a hike on a day like this.

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All right, your sly, foxy, roundabout scheme works.

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You'll do it?

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Yes, I'll do it.

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Bueller, you're a wonder.

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I sure want her to go with the fellas.

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By the way, I'll be lunch packed.

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When did I ever send you out on a hike without lunch?

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Two pieces of cake?

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I'll fix the lunch.

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You just do the hiking.

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Bueller, you're wonderful.

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I'll give you half of any frogs I catch.

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Don't you bring any frogs in this house.

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And don't try to tell me like you did last week

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that a frog opened the front door,

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hopped all the way upstairs and into the bathroom by himself.

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Did I say that?

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What you didn't say, you implicated.

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You know, Bueller, I'm turning into the most terrible little liar.

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Pesky thing.

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There's a place for everything in the world,

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but weeds haven't found theirs yet.

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Feature.

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Oh, there you are, Bueller.

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Yes, sir.

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Bueller, you'll never guess what just happened.

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What happened?

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Well, Mrs. Evans just phoned me,

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and she can't find anyone to take my place at the bridge luncheon.

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Oh.

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Bueller, be a darling and do the watering for me today.

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Will I?

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Yes, I can handle it, Miss Alice.

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Oh, you're wonderful.

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Be sure to give that rose bush a good soaking,

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because it's Mr. Harry's pride and joy.

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I'll take care of it.

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Good.

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See you later.

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Oh, Miss Alice.

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Yes?

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You look mighty smart in that new hat you have.

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Oh, thank you, Bueller.

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You certainly look sick. I wonder what's wrong with you.

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Where's Mrs. Henderson?

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She's supposed to be doing the watering.

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Oh, she had to go out.

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Out?

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Uh, they couldn't find a substitute.

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Oh, I was going to ask her to mow the lawn for me.

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Where's Donnie?

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He had to go out, too.

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Oh, gosh darn it.

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I've got a business date, an important one.

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That's bad.

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I can't miss it.

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Bueller, would you be real, please?

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Oh, say no more, Mr. Harry.

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I'll mow the lawn for you.

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Oh, Bueller, you're wonderful.

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Everybody keeps telling me I'm wonderful today.

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I wonder why.

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Bush, you certainly do look sick.

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You sure you can manage all right?

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Oh, yes, Mr. Harry.

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I can manage all right.

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Well, I'd better be running along.

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I'll see you later.

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You know, there's lots more business done on the golf course

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these days than in the offices.

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Well, you just go ahead and enjoy yourself, Mr. Harry.

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I'll take care of everything.

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A lot more.

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How's it look?

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Move over a little so I can see.

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No, you better move over a lot so I can see.

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All over you.

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There it is.

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Well, it's down on the left now.

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Well, maybe it is.

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Hey, I declare I don't know what this world's coming to.

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A woman doing the gardening.

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You know, we women never should start smoking in public.

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Guess not.

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Next thing you know, we'll have the suffrage.

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Huh?

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We women will have the suffrage.

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We've had it for years.

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How's it look now?

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Well...

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I know.

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It's down on my right again.

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Well, it wouldn't be down on the right quite so much as one up on the left.

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Oh, you know, sometimes I wonder if you ever learned anything.

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Oh, sure, I learned a lot of things.

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I just don't retain them.

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I know this bush must flinch every time that I cut into it.

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Well, maybe if we got another pair of shears and the two of us start clipping at once,

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then it might come out even.

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I'm going to conquer this thing if I have to clip it all the way to China.

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What's that burning?

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McCain!

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Two bucks to Charlie, three bucks to Neil, and six to Ed.

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Oh, well, it's exercise.

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Whoa!

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Stop!

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Stop!

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Choke it! Choke it!

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What?

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The thing on the handle!

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Look out! I can't stop it!

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The thing on the handle!

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Oh!

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Ah!

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Help!

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Ah!

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Ah!

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Ah!

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Ah!

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Ah!

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Ah!

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Ah!

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Ah!

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Choke it!

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The thing on the handle!

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Ah!

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Why didn't you choke the motor?

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Choke it?

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If I could have reached it, I'd have broke every bone in this body.

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It's spoiled, but don't blame me.

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It was prepared by a field hand, not a cook.

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She has a right to be upset.

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Why did you have to make a bridge date on our gardening day?

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Did you have a good time on the golf course, dear?

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Well, don't turn it on me.

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I admit I'm shiftless and shirk my job, but it runs in my blood.

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Bula, I have a solution.

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From now on, on Saturday nights, we'll have cold cuts for dinner.

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Cold cuts?

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That's a good idea.

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Mr. Harry, I'll dig the yard if I have to.

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I'll lay a brick wall for you, but I'm not going to serve my family no cold cuts on Saturday night.

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No, honey, Bill went to the dance without me.

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Well, I call that downright mean of him.

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Oh, he asked me to go with him, but I just couldn't.

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I got a measure.

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Well, how did the hedge clippings come out?

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Well, I finally got it even.

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The hedge was down so low, I run right over it with the lawnmower.

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I just got to get rid of this gardening.

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It's not the work so much, it's the nerve strain.

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And Mr. Harry's pet rose looks so sickly.

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If it dies, it's going to be my fault.

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Well, don't work too hard, honey.

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I'm going to rest tomorrow, and I'm going to take it easy all week.

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And then when Saturday rolls around, I'll be all ready to ruin myself again.

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Bye.

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Bye.

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Bye.

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Bush, you look as bad as I feel.

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Good morning, beautiful.

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How's the baby this morning?

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Mmm, that coffee sure smells good.

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Think yourself pretty smart, don't you?

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Well, I've just got the normal intelligence of a man of my type of brilliance.

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Make yourself mighty scarce when all the gardening work is going on,

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and then come around here on Monday morning all set to laugh up all the coffee

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and eat up all the pie in the house.

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Baby, you put things so blunt.

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Well, all the gardening work ain't done yet.

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I phoned the nursery man this morning about our rose bush,

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and he said he couldn't tell what's wrong without seeing the leaves.

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So I was to cut off a branch and take it to him.

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Baby, I'll gladly cut off a branch for you.

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Well, we're not cutting any branches off of Mr. Harry's pet rose bush.

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We're going to dig the whole thing up and take it down there for a complete physical.

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The whole thing?

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With a lot of earth ball at the roots.

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Here, have a piece of pie.

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Fortify yourself.

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I know I don't have all this work to do, but I'd ask for another piece of pie.

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If I know you, you'll make up for it in time.

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Take it easy.

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Now be careful.

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Be cautious.

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That's it.

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Be careful.

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Is Mr. Leafy here?

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No, I reckon he just left.

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Well, he was going to tell me what's the hell in this rose bush.

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Well, he ought to be back in about a half hour.

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Why don't you just leave it?

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Well, I guess I will.

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Bill, you're not going to leave it in the wheelbarrow there.

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Somebody might bump into it and might keel over.

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Here, put it over here.

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No, no, put it over there.

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I don't want to get mixed up with other plants.

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Well, you take good care of it, and we'll be back in a half an hour.

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Okay.

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Come on, Bill, let's go.

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Remember what you promised me.

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Oh, yeah.

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We'll be back with Bueller in just a minute.

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I like the petuniums.

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Are you Mr. Leafy?

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True.

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Well, what's wrong with it?

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What's wrong with what?

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I got a question I dare not ask.

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What's the matter?

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I had Mr. Hare's rose bush right there.

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That one was his?

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I sold it.

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Oh, no, too.

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Well, I don't know the customer's name, but the fellow comes in fairly regular,

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and he always pays cash.

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Isn't that nice?

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It may be for you, but for us to panic is on.

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Oh, I don't think it's that serious.

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The fellow will probably be in again during the week with some more cash,

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and I'll get your rose bush back for you.

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And in the meantime, Mr. Hare will come home and see that hole where his pride and joy used to be,

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and I'll be in trouble deeper than the hole.

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I know what you mean.

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I haven't got another rose in the place.

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But we're expecting a shipment very soon.

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Wait a minute.

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I've got one rose bush out back, but it's been sold to the rich Mrs. Allamack,

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but I can let you borrow it for a day.

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Well, just as long as Mr. Hare don't find out.

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Well, the plant's a little bigger than yours was, but Mrs. Allamack is very rich.

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Well, maybe Mr. Hare won't notice the size of it.

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Okay, but be sure and bring it back tomorrow.

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Hey, Butt, give me a hand, will you?

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Okay.

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He usually doesn't work this late.

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I wonder when Mr. Hare is coming home.

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Bill, stop worrying.

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He'll never know that it's a different bush.

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I sure hope not.

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Uh-oh, here he comes.

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Well, well, well.

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Good evening, Miller.

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Well, good evening, Mr. Hare.

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Hello, sweetheart.

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Hello, dear.

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Donnie.

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Not this year, Dad.

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You promised.

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Oh, I almost forgot.

16:15.000 --> 16:16.000
What for dinner, dear?

16:16.000 --> 16:21.000
Oh, well, we had a lot of meat left over from last night, so we're having stuffed peppers.

16:21.000 --> 16:22.000
Oh, wonderful.

16:22.000 --> 16:23.000
Wonderful.

16:23.000 --> 16:26.000
But you usually object when we have things like that.

16:26.000 --> 16:27.000
Nonsense.

16:27.000 --> 16:28.000
I love stuffed peppers.

16:28.000 --> 16:29.000
Lovely day, wasn't it?

16:29.000 --> 16:31.000
Yes, it was rather nice.

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Good growing weather.

16:33.000 --> 16:38.000
You know, outside of the savings involved, I'm glad that we decided to get rid of Tony.

16:38.000 --> 16:39.000
You are?

16:39.000 --> 16:40.000
Mm-hmm.

16:40.000 --> 16:43.000
You see, it turns out that Bula is a natural-born gardener.

16:43.000 --> 16:45.000
Why, that rosebush of mine is thriving.

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If I didn't know better, I'd swear that it had grown eight inches during the night.

16:53.000 --> 16:54.000
What's the matter, dear?

16:54.000 --> 16:56.000
Smoke in my throat.

16:56.000 --> 16:57.000
But you're not smoking.

16:57.000 --> 17:01.000
Oh, I'm not.

17:01.000 --> 17:04.000
Mr. Leafy, here's Miss Almax's rosebush.

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Where should we put it?

17:05.000 --> 17:07.000
Please, don't jostle it.

17:07.000 --> 17:10.000
The new shipment came in, but they're all big.

17:10.000 --> 17:12.000
As a matter of fact, there isn't one that isn't bigger than this one.

17:12.000 --> 17:14.000
Oh, I'll never get away with it twice.

17:14.000 --> 17:16.000
Can I take this one back?

17:16.000 --> 17:19.000
Mrs. Almax is a very fussy customer, and I've got to deliver it today.

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You'd better take another.

17:20.000 --> 17:22.000
But if they're even bigger than this one was.

17:22.000 --> 17:24.000
Sorry, that's the best I can do.

17:24.000 --> 17:26.000
Well, I guess I'm in for it.

17:26.000 --> 17:27.000
Let's hope he doesn't notice.

17:27.000 --> 17:30.000
Although, of course, he will when it buds.

17:30.000 --> 17:32.000
The blossoms will be a different color.

17:32.000 --> 17:33.000
Oh, me.

17:33.000 --> 17:37.000
Just a minute, you're in luck.

17:37.000 --> 17:38.000
That's something I'm never in.

17:38.000 --> 17:39.000
No, you really are.

17:39.000 --> 17:43.000
There's the man that bought Mr. Henderson's rose.

17:43.000 --> 17:44.000
Well, well, well.

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Just the man I want to see.

17:46.000 --> 17:47.000
You do?

17:47.000 --> 17:48.000
Yes, sir.

17:48.000 --> 17:50.000
Mr. You know, I never did get your name.

17:50.000 --> 17:51.000
Benson.

17:51.000 --> 17:52.000
Thomas Benson.

17:52.000 --> 17:54.000
Well, Mr. Benson, you know that plant I told you the other day?

17:54.000 --> 17:56.000
It was over in the sales section by mistake.

17:56.000 --> 17:58.000
It belongs to our customer.

17:58.000 --> 17:59.000
Well, give him another one in its place.

17:59.000 --> 18:00.000
Well, you don't understand.

18:00.000 --> 18:03.000
You see, this man's very fond of this particular rose.

18:03.000 --> 18:06.000
You know how it is when you get something in the ground for a couple of years and you work over it.

18:06.000 --> 18:08.000
It's almost like a little child.

18:08.000 --> 18:11.000
You know, a little tiny child opening its little tiny arms to the world.

18:11.000 --> 18:12.000
Now, listen.

18:12.000 --> 18:16.000
It took me an hour and a half to put that bush in, and it's perfect right where it is.

18:16.000 --> 18:17.000
But I...

18:17.000 --> 18:19.000
Why does everybody have to bother me with these things?

18:19.000 --> 18:23.000
I can't have my place dug up, but I've got the boss coming to dinner Saturday night.

18:23.000 --> 18:27.000
The maid quit this morning, and my wife is the worst cook in the world.

18:27.000 --> 18:28.000
But I...

18:28.000 --> 18:33.000
I came in here to get some liquid fertilizer, but I'll get it somewhere else.

18:33.000 --> 18:35.000
Well, I was just...

18:35.000 --> 18:37.000
Well, you heard him.

18:37.000 --> 18:38.000
What did he say his name was?

18:38.000 --> 18:39.000
Thomas Benson.

18:39.000 --> 18:43.000
Well, Mr. Thomas Benson is one of the meanest men I ever heard of.

18:43.000 --> 18:46.000
Well, I did all I could, but there's just no poetry in the man.

18:46.000 --> 18:50.000
You'll just have to take one of the new roses, even though it does blossom the wrong color.

18:50.000 --> 18:52.000
Well, pick a small one, Mr. Leathy.

18:52.000 --> 18:53.000
But they're all big.

18:53.000 --> 19:01.000
Well, pick one of the smallest, big ones you can find.

19:01.000 --> 19:07.000
I passed the earth down Goodville, so nobody will know that it's been dug up.

19:07.000 --> 19:10.000
The more I look at that bush, the bigger it gets.

19:10.000 --> 19:12.000
Maybe we could trim it.

19:12.000 --> 19:13.000
Oh, it's no use.

19:13.000 --> 19:16.000
When the blooms come out, Mr. Harrell will know it ain't his.

19:16.000 --> 19:18.000
Oh, baby, you worry too much.

19:18.000 --> 19:21.000
And the lawn's going to need trimming again tomorrow.

19:21.000 --> 19:25.000
This lawn of ours grows up just like somebody was under it pushing it.

19:25.000 --> 19:27.000
The grass looks kind of nice, Joe.

19:27.000 --> 19:30.000
Not to us gardeners.

19:30.000 --> 19:33.000
Well, nice day, dear?

19:33.000 --> 19:34.000
Fine, fine.

19:34.000 --> 19:37.000
Did you notice anything different around here?

19:37.000 --> 19:38.000
That's not a new dress.

19:38.000 --> 19:39.000
No.

19:39.000 --> 19:40.000
Oh, what is it then?

19:40.000 --> 19:41.000
Oh, nothing.

19:41.000 --> 19:43.000
Oh, by the way, did you make any plans for us tonight?

19:43.000 --> 19:45.000
No, we're staying home this evening.

19:45.000 --> 19:46.000
Good.

19:46.000 --> 19:49.000
I'm going to try my hand at writing an article for the Horticultural Journal.

19:49.000 --> 19:54.000
Now, you may not believe this, but my rosebush has grown five inches in one day.

19:54.000 --> 19:57.000
I measured it this morning before I left.

20:04.000 --> 20:05.000
Hello?

20:05.000 --> 20:07.000
Is this Mrs. Thomas Benson?

20:07.000 --> 20:10.000
Well, this is Bueller, Mrs. Alice Henderson's housekeeper.

20:10.000 --> 20:12.000
I wanted to talk to you about a rosebush.

20:12.000 --> 20:16.000
I talked with your husband, Mr. Benson, but he didn't seem to understand,

20:16.000 --> 20:19.000
so I was just wondering if I could, uh...

20:38.000 --> 20:39.000
Have a nice game, dear?

20:39.000 --> 20:41.000
Oh, so-so.

20:41.000 --> 20:43.000
How much did you lose?

20:43.000 --> 20:45.000
Well, Ed won $2 from me.

20:45.000 --> 20:46.000
Oh, and Charlie?

20:46.000 --> 20:47.000
No difference does it make.

20:47.000 --> 20:49.000
Oh, just wondering.

20:49.000 --> 20:52.000
Well, Charlie sank a pot he'd never sink again in a hundred years.

20:52.000 --> 20:53.000
He got $4.

20:53.000 --> 20:54.000
And Neil?

20:54.000 --> 20:56.000
Neil won $8. How was the bridge game?

20:56.000 --> 20:57.000
Lost $1.80.

20:57.000 --> 20:59.000
Well, some days are like that.

21:02.000 --> 21:03.000
What was that?

21:04.000 --> 21:05.000
Beat ya.

21:05.000 --> 21:12.000
Oh, I just give a lot more.

21:18.000 --> 21:20.000
Bueller, do I smell a turkey cooking?

21:20.000 --> 21:21.000
Yes, ma'am.

21:21.000 --> 21:23.000
Oh, it's beautiful.

21:23.000 --> 21:25.000
And lemon meringue pie.

21:25.000 --> 21:28.000
And creamed onions and fresh peas.

21:28.000 --> 21:30.000
I don't remember ordering all those things.

21:30.000 --> 21:32.000
Oh, you didn't? I got Bill to get them for me.

21:32.000 --> 21:33.000
Oh.

21:33.000 --> 21:35.000
Bueller, with all your gardening, how did you ever manage?

21:35.000 --> 21:38.000
Well, when you have to do a thing, you just do it.

21:38.000 --> 21:39.000
A turkey?

21:39.000 --> 21:41.000
Bueller, how'd you ever manage?

21:41.000 --> 21:42.000
Oh, I just did.

21:42.000 --> 21:43.000
I'm starved to death.

21:43.000 --> 21:45.000
Is there any crackers?

21:47.000 --> 21:48.000
Oh, hello, Donnie.

21:48.000 --> 21:49.000
How was today's hike?

21:49.000 --> 21:50.000
We had a rotten hike.

21:50.000 --> 21:52.000
A beast stung me.

21:52.000 --> 21:54.000
I stepped in a mud puddle with my shoes on.

21:54.000 --> 21:56.000
And Bluetooth caught all the frogs.

21:56.000 --> 21:57.000
Hey, Dad!

21:57.000 --> 21:59.000
Look what we have for supper.

21:59.000 --> 22:00.000
Turkey!

22:05.000 --> 22:07.000
Dad, you hungry?

22:07.000 --> 22:09.000
Donnie, I've never been so hungry in my life.

22:09.000 --> 22:11.000
Me neither.

22:11.000 --> 22:12.000
Oh, what time's dinner, dear?

22:12.000 --> 22:14.000
About a half an hour.

22:14.000 --> 22:15.000
I can hardly wait.

22:17.000 --> 22:19.000
Well, what do you got there, Bill?

22:19.000 --> 22:20.000
Just a turkey, Mr. Harry.

22:20.000 --> 22:21.000
I'll take a turkey.

22:21.000 --> 22:22.000
I'll take a turkey.

22:22.000 --> 22:23.000
I'll take a turkey.

22:23.000 --> 22:24.000
I'll take a turkey.

22:24.000 --> 22:26.000
Just a turkey, Mr. Harry.

22:26.000 --> 22:27.000
All turkey?

22:27.000 --> 22:28.000
Where are you going with it?

22:28.000 --> 22:31.000
I'm afraid you're going to have to let Buell explain that, Mr. Harry.

22:31.000 --> 22:32.000
Well, Buell?

22:32.000 --> 22:35.000
Well, you see, I made a deal with the Bensons

22:35.000 --> 22:37.000
and swapped them a fully cooked dinner

22:37.000 --> 22:39.000
so I can get your rosebush back.

22:39.000 --> 22:40.000
My rosebush?

22:40.000 --> 22:41.000
What is this all about?

22:41.000 --> 22:43.000
I can explain about that later, dear.

22:43.000 --> 22:44.000
Bill, what about our dinner?

22:44.000 --> 22:46.000
Well, I'll have to hurry right on.

22:46.000 --> 22:48.000
And your dinner's right on the table there, Miss Alice.

22:48.000 --> 22:50.000
I'll be right back.

22:50.000 --> 22:53.000
Now, Alice, I demand an explanation for all this.

22:53.000 --> 22:54.000
Oh, it's a long story, dear.

22:54.000 --> 22:55.000
You'd better sit down.

22:55.000 --> 22:56.000
Hm?

22:58.000 --> 23:01.000
So Buell felt she just had to get your bush back for you.

23:01.000 --> 23:04.000
Oh, cold cuts.

23:04.000 --> 23:06.000
Well, honey, it was your original idea.

23:06.000 --> 23:07.000
I thought you liked cold cuts.

23:07.000 --> 23:10.000
I do, but not when I'm all set for turkey.

23:10.000 --> 23:12.000
Well, have some salami.

23:12.000 --> 23:15.000
You know, an idea has just occurred to me.

23:15.000 --> 23:16.000
Yes?

23:16.000 --> 23:18.000
Let's take Tony back and pay him that raise he wanted.

23:18.000 --> 23:19.000
What?

23:19.000 --> 23:22.000
Oh, John, that's the best idea you've had for a long time.

23:22.000 --> 23:23.000
Mm.

23:25.000 --> 23:31.000
Oh, but how can I eat this stuff when I still smell turkey?

23:31.000 --> 23:33.000
Alice, why should I still smell turkey?

23:33.000 --> 23:35.000
I don't know.

23:35.000 --> 23:37.000
But so do I.

23:47.000 --> 23:49.000
Well, Buell, you're back already.

23:49.000 --> 23:50.000
Yes, I'm.

23:50.000 --> 23:51.000
Did you eat your dinner?

23:51.000 --> 23:53.000
I couldn't eat those cold cuts after I saw that turkey.

23:53.000 --> 23:56.000
Buell, I think you did this on purpose just to teach us a lesson.

23:56.000 --> 23:59.000
Well, Buell, why is it I still smell turkey?

23:59.000 --> 24:01.000
Oh, I almost forgot.

24:08.000 --> 24:09.000
I cooked two of them.

24:09.000 --> 24:23.000
I told you I wasn't going to feed my family cold cuts on Saturday night.

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